Vikings DON'T have horns. (Entry 1)

Hello, insignificant peon! My name is Ragar Bjornsven the Berserker, First of His Name, Ṳberjarl of Dorming and Breasemis, but you can just speak my name as Ragar. Sorry about my inability to simplify my English, I was raised on the idea of use as many words as possible to a) confuse your adversary b) not be able to be misunderstood by your adversary and c) none of the above.  Anyway, enough about me, lets talk about me! I was raised in a small Viking hut in a small Viking town called Visby, near Paaviken, in the year... oh bother, what year is it? Oh, whatever. I was always rejected from everyone because of my dark beard. It is widely known that Vikings and other inhabitants of Scandinavia have blond hair, but not me. No, I was the genetic mutation of the family. Now, after I was cast down the Hill of Unloved Sons, I went on to find that all the other darkbeards who have been cast down that hill had started a small colony! It was called Dorming. I quickly rose in that because of my epic fighting abilities and became Jarl of the Colony. Then, we heard about another colony that was created by the darkbeards of Paaviken, called Breasemis. We joined forces, but their Jarl drank underbrewed mead and died. So I assumed control of their colony as well, and like an Admiral is a General with two ships, I became Ṳberjarl, a Jarl with two towns, or ships, or whatever. As Ṳberjarl, I led constant raids on the lightbeard towns that cast us down like sails on an oarship, and we actually had enough food to get us through winter. Of course, the lightbeards didn't take that lightly (ha ha, get it?) and raided us back, but we left the rest of the old Jarl's underbrewed mead in the tavern and they took it. We didn't see them for a while. Now, the people from Breasemis made great food and mead, but they didn't have any skill in metalworking. My brothers from Dorming, however, made the best armor in all of Scandinavia! They had iron imported from Trondheim and by the beard of Odin, could they smelt it! The first sword I got was a longsword at 66 inches, which I strapped on my left hip. The next thing I got was a battleaxe, double headed and epically awesome. I also got a seax (utility knife) and an iron helm. Here is the one thing, if ever, you need to know about Vikings: THEY DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE HORNS!!!!!!!!!!!!