Entry 5

When I awoke, I was in a glass box. I couldn't move. The harshness of the lights hurt my eyes, and I wondered where I was. Looking outside of the box, I saw people. Tall people, short people, fat people, skinny people, Asian people, black people, white people, even orange people. Looking down at myself, I could see why I couldn't move. I was tied down. There was rope on my arms, rope on my legs, rope on my chest, rope on my neck, just lots and lots of rope. It was also freezing. I was wearing a tunic softer than I had ever felt, my pants were way too tight, and the vest I was wearing was of some material I had never heard of. A battleaxe was in my hand, but it was practically lighter than air. Plastic, I think you might call it. I was in a museum. Now, upon realizing this, I was mostly like wut. The people outside had glowing rocks with moving paintings on them. There was one guy who threw his in a hollowed out cylinder thing after moving some bird paintings around towards some pigs. Then, like a bat out of hell, a rock (an actual one) came hurtling through an open window and smashed the glass on the front of my display. 'This is my chance,' I thought. Using my Viking muscles, I ripped the ropes out of the board I was tied to and jumped out of the case. People screamed and pointed. I yelled, "Well that's not very nice, is it?" They just screamed louder and ran. I looked down the hall. The artificial lights burned my eyes again. 'Wow,' I thought. 'The alchymists went no holds barred on these things.' I looked down the hall, spying more of my Viking kin in glass boxes. I broke the glass on each of them, just to find that they were made of the same thing my fake axe was made of. (Again, plastic.) I said, "What kind of madness is this!" Two big dudes in blue uniforms ran up to me. On of them held a black stick. He poked it, and two wires shot out at me. They latched onto my neck. They actually tickled, but I had no time for such tomfoolery. "Enough!" I roared as I pulled the wires from my neck. The two guys sort of balked and then ran. Turning around, I saw another glass case. There was an axe in it. An honest to Odin, steel, double headed, battleaxe. I broke the glass and took it. "Now this is more like it!" I grabbed some armor from another case, and I found a helmet too. For some reason, it had horns. I put it on anyway. I took a shield from one of the plastic figurines I had found earlier, and took off down the hall. This place was so quaint. It was so smooth, there was no rough wood, no logs, not even a fire pit. Looking out the window, I saw wagons with no horses. I was like, what the hell is going on here! Where am I? I found a piece of paper on the ground, that had lots of words and pictures on it. It read (in Norwegian so I'm gonna translate here) 'The Oslo Inquirer.' The date was December 21, 2012. The biggest words on the page read: "Apocalypse 2012: Welcome to Ragnarok."