Poetry

I have a normal dislike for writing non-rhyming poetry, because you have to be all mushy-gushy thought and stuff. It's usually not funny and is mostly boring. Here's a limerick or two that I have written (cough cough stole cough).

There once was a pig named Riddle
He played a very feisty good fiddle
He broke all his strings
Lost all his things
Now he owns naught a nickel.

I'm out of ideas.

Entry 9

The Jeep's engine sputtered. "Dritt," growled Birgir. The truck rolled to a stop, jerking everyone forward as the wheels stopped spinning. "We're out of gas," Albin muttered. "How could we be out of gas!" exclaimed Jorgen. "We had three quarters of a full tank when we left the house, and we've only been going for two hours!" Even I understood this wasn't right, what with me being from thousands of years ago. There was a strange smell in the air, sharp and pungent, almost like... "Get out of the car!" I roared, grabbing Birgir and Albin and kicking the door open. I lept away from the car and landed in the cold snow. It got in my shirt and shoes, stuck in my hair and beard, and generally made itself a nuisance. Jorgen followed out of the car, breaking through the window to land on top of me. My breath left my lungs and I let out a huge fart. Albin lost it, cackling like a complete maniac. Birgir facepalmed and shook his head. Jorgen jumped back and began to laugh. Just then, the car erupted into flame and Albin screamed as he went down under a barrage of snow. The Big One was back, and furious. He blasted Jorgen full in the face with another shot of snow, and Jorgen fell back, snowing shooting up into the air as his body slammed into it. Albin stuck his head out of his pile and struggled to free the rest of his body, but the Big One blasted him again and he stopped moving. Birgir had freed his gun from the burning wreckage of the Jeep and began to fire it at the Big One, but it was fruitless. The Big One turned to me and smiled a wicked smile, filled with death and destruction, the coals widening as he let out a huge screech. I smiled back and flung my axe straight into its face, spinning with such force that it could have cut down three trees in one shot. It took him square in his carrot nose, slicing it in half and the continuing to the rest of his face. It hit him with so much force that his mouth coals came off. The snow began to slough of his face and he shuddered. The cold air seemed to slow everything as he fell to the ground and burst into giant drifts of snow. My axe remained embedded in the largest one, where his carrot nose stuck in two pieces. I pulled the axe out of the snow pile and raised it above my head. "I! AM! RAGAR! THE BERSERKER!" The sky thundered and lightning flashed, the Jeep exploded, and the Big One's snow piles sunk deeper into the ground. Jorgen and Albin burst out of their icy tombs, emulating my scream. "THE BERSERKER!" Birgir joined in, adding his voice to the cacophony of sound. "THE BERSERKER!" The sky itself seemed to echo the same words down, as Odin and the other Gods celebrated their victory over the Giants and Demons. I knew who I was, then and there, and why I existed. I was Ragar, born of Gods, and destined to bring victory of the enemies of Old Norway.

Entry 8

This is the part where I tell you that this never really happened and I was really totally wacked out on mead the whole time, wandering around Dorming naked and bellowing at people that the wights were coming. Well, if I did that, I would be lying. As the wights climbed through windows and doors, smashing the furniture to bits and getting snow everywhere, I had a brain explosion, which is a brain blast and fart at the same time. I ran to the fire, thinking that if I threw burning logs around I could melt them, but I forget that fire also hurts me. I thrust my hand into the flames and grabbed a piece, realized that my hand was burning and that my sleeve was on fire, and bellowed in pain. I whipped around (with the wood still in my hand) and took of a wight head. I let go of the log and sent it spinning across the room, where it made contact with the drapes and lit them on fire. "Well, dritt," I thought. (that's Norwegian for a naughty word, which it rhymes with). The guys were shooting at the wights, but the bullets simply went through them and did nothing. I drew my axe from its sheath across my back and yelled, "Gamla lombungr, sugandi toti tik madr!" (a curse in Old Norse). This was not as useless as the bullets, but you had to take the heads off to actually kill them. An overhead slam would just cut them in half, and both halves remained alive and annoying. Jorgen and Aksel took the hint and drew machetes. Birgir was already swinging his gun around knocking heads off, but Albin was cursing as he backed away from the flaming wall. He grabbed a burning chair leg and used it as a... well... burning chair leg. He swung it at the wights, melting them on each pass and causing them to hiss and jump back. Unfortunately for them, back was the inferno that used to be the wall of the cabin, and they fell into the pit of flame screaming and sizzling. The other wights began to back away from the hellpit, into the actual fire that was the fireplace. Caught between a rock and a hard place, they went sideways, but we were there. My axe flashed and Aksel's machete swung, Albin's stick flamed and Jorgen's knife gleamed. Birgir's gun didn't really do anything, he was just standing there swinging his gun around.The wights were forced into all four points of death, burning and then getting decapitated. Until the Big One came. This wight must've been as big as two Jorgen's and a Ragar. It knocked the fireplace over and put it out, doing the same for the wall inferno. Aksel was caught up in the shockwave and went flying. A wight came out of nowhere and grabbed him, pulled him screaming out the door, his gun shooting randomly into the crisp, freezing air. Birgir yelled and ran for the Jeep, pulling Albin's arm and grabbing a hatchet from beside the doorway. I swung my axe around once more and I tapped Jorgen on the shoulder. "Come on man! We gotta get outta here!" He nodded and sprinted for the door. I flicked my wrist and another wights head came tumbling to the ground. Aksel's screams stopped. We all piled into the Jeep and Albin stepped on it, kicking up snow and dirt as the Big One made it's deep, primal scream into the cold air.

Entry 7

Sorry I haven't written in a while. The temporal shifts are unpredictable, I can't control when these get posted. Anyways, about five minutes after we drove out of the parking lot, I looked out the window and there were fighter jets dropping napalm everywhere to kill the zombies. I was just hoping that they wouldn't napalm us, but even in that I was not in luck. The outside paint was all that burned off, but I was feeling the heat as the flames billowed over the car. The guys steered the car off of the road into the woods, and it started snowing. And when I say snowing, I mean snowing. These snowflakes were literally the size of snowmen. You could hear them whumping down everywhere, breaking tree branches and knocking entire trees down. I was surprised our windshield didn't break after three fell on it at the same time, but it held up. Eventually, they pulled up beside a log cabin. The snowmenflakes were still whumping around us, and the first guy to try and go in got hit. The three of us remaining (including me) were all needed to pull him out from under the snowman. He was okay, but his legs had fallen asleep and he fell over when he stood up. We carried him inside the cabin. It was pretty roomy inside, which is good because all four of us would be sharing it for the rest of eternity. While two of the guys set up cots and sleeping bags, me and the other one stepped outside and erected a sort of garage for the Hummer. It was just some wood stacked on more wood leaning on the house, but it would keep the car safe from the hell snowflakes. After he drove the car into the shelter, we both went back inside. We all finally were able to introduce ourselves. The one wearing the I'm a Brony shirt (whatever that means) was called Aksel; the one with the white shirt under the red flannel was Albin; Birgir was the one with the long sleeve Nirvana shirt and a blue beanie. The biggest of them all, Jorgen, wore a camouflage jacket over a camouflage shirt, with camouflage pants and some pretty big steel-toed boots. I wouldn't have been surprised if he wore camouflage underpants, but that wasn't important at the moment. Albin gave a shout and motioned for us to come over to the window. We all looked out and saw some of the snowmen flakes actually form themselves into snowmen shaped things. Then they started to walk. Not just move, but walk. One of them turned his coal eyes towards the house, his coal smile widening as he made a sickening screech, calling the others to also turn their heads. Their evil grins were all we could see in the storm of snow, but we didn't exactly care as Jorgen started throwing everyone their guns. We could hear them knocking on the door, their screeches getting louder as the banging did. The door gave, and the wights poured into our humble abode.